Life is tough right now. Chris and I have been TTC #2 for 3 cycles now and it just ain't happenin'. I started with the intention of having a March baby and have had 0 success. Timing has been perfect due to the fact that I'm charting and still, negative. Looking back, things were so easy with Ethan. Why isn't that the case now? I already feel like a f*^* up with this whole baby making thing. I struggle in my head about whether or not we should go on to round 4, potentially giving us a late May baby. That would give me approximately 10 weeks off before going back to school the following year. I just hate the rigidity of trying to make this happen at the right time. I know I need to sit back, relax, and let God take control but it's just too hard.
On top of that, Mom called yesterday to tell me they found shadows on both breasts during her mammogram. Unfortunately she is laid off at the moment and her health insurance is about to end at the end of the month. I am scared for her and what the future may hold. She has 0 support from her man friend and absolutely nobody near her to offer support. I'd like to have her up here while going through all this but I just don't know how feasible that is. It would be a HUGE adjustment and I question if it would make things even more financially difficult for Chris and me.
While I had a fun, relaxing summer with Ethan, I regret the fact that I spent so much time peeing on various sticks to get pregnant/ see if I was pregnant. That's time and money I can't get back.
I'm laying my trust in God's hands and trying so hard not to get down.
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